Spotting a Good Negotiator: Key Traits to Look For

Negotiations are a dance of strategy, empathy, and skill. Whether you’re buying a home, closing a business deal, or navigating a salary discussion, knowing how to spot a good negotiator can make or break your outcome. A skilled negotiator isn’t just someone who drives a hard bargain: they’re a collaborator who listens deeply, adapts quickly, and prioritizes mutual wins. Let’s look at some examples and see if we can discover together what a good negotiator looks like.

One of the first signs of a good negotiator is their ability to listen, really listen. They don’t just wait for their turn to speak; they lean in, ask thoughtful questions, and reflect back what they hear. This isn’t just politeness; it’s a tactical move to build trust and uncover what’s driving the other side. In Never Split the Difference, Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, emphasizes this with the concept of mirroring: “Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said… Mirroring is a simple yet effective way to connect.” A negotiator who mirrors your words or summarizes your concerns shows they’re paying attention and value your perspective, setting the stage for a productive dialogue.

Adaptability is another hallmark. Markets shift, emotions flare, and unexpected obstacles pop up—especially in real estate deals. A good negotiator doesn’t cling to a rigid plan; they pivot with the situation. Take the story of a real estate deal recounted in The Art of Negotiation by Michael Wheeler: a buyer’s negotiator faced a seller who suddenly raised the price due to a competing offer. Instead of walking away, the negotiator paused, assessed the seller’s emotional state, and offered a creative solution: covering closing costs in exchange for sticking to the original price. The deal closed because the negotiator read the room and adjusted on the fly. When you’re working with someone, notice how they handle surprises. Do they dig in stubbornly, or do they explore new angles to keep the conversation moving?

Emotional intelligence is just as critical. A good negotiator doesn’t shy away from the human side of the deal—they lean into it. Voss captures this perfectly in Never Split the Difference: “Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you can increase your influence.” Watch for negotiators who acknowledge your emotions (whether you’re stressed about a tight timeline or excited about a dream home) and use that insight to guide the conversation. They might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling pressured by this deadline; let’s find a way to ease that.” This shows they’re not just chasing a win: they’re building a partnership.

Finally, look for someone who focuses on solutions, not just concessions. A great negotiator doesn’t aim to “split the difference” and call it a day; they dig deeper to find options that work for both sides. In a real estate context, this might mean proposing a lease-back arrangement if the seller needs more time to move, or suggesting a home warranty to ease the buyer’s repair concerns. They’re creative, collaborative, and committed to outcomes where everyone feels satisfied. As negotiation expert Roger Fisher once said in Getting to Yes, “The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it… is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess.”

Spotting a good negotiator comes down to observing their actions over their words. Do they listen intently, adapt to challenges, and show emotional intelligence? Are they focused on creative solutions rather than quick compromises? Whether you’re hiring a realtor or partnering in a deal, these traits will guide you to someone who can navigate the table with skill and integrity. Keep an eye out for these qualities, and you’ll find a negotiator who doesn’t just close deals—they build lasting trust.